LATE NIGHT DESK ( ´ ▽ ` )
The lights, the hum of the fridge, and just... being here.
Ah, I'm finally home. The moment I closed the door, I could feel its weight against my back, and I just let out a long sigh. My shoes are a bit of a mess by the entrance, just kicked off where they landed, but even that feels like they're saying, "Welcome home." When I walked into the living room, the fridge was making this low, steady humming sound. It's such a normal sound, but tonight, it actually feels kind of gentle. My tea from earlier is still sitting on the desk, only half-finished and already cold. It felt so chilly to the touch... and then I realized my own fingers were cold, too. In a quiet night like this, in an empty room, I feel sort of like I'm just floating. It feels like I've been carrying a massive heavy load on my shoulders all week. It was heavy... really, really heavy.
What exactly is this weight?
It's not like anything terrible actually happened. Honestly, it was all just "normal" stuff. A delayed email reply here, being a few minutes late to an appointment there, or rushing back to the store because I realized, "Oh, I forgot to buy that..." All those tiny "oops" moments just kept piling up until, before I knew it, my heart felt completely soaked through. It was almost like being caught in a rainstorm without realizing it. It wasn't even raining outside, but it's like I'd forgotten to bring an umbrella. My shoulders are so stiff... when I touch them, they feel as hard as stone. It makes me wonder if I was accidentally carrying someone else's luggage, too.
My little bit of salvation.
So, I opened my laptop and put on Yurucamp. I didn't want to think about anything tonight; I just... I just wanted to feel embraced, I guess. And then, the sound came through the screen. The sound of the wind... just a soft shhh as the leaves rustle. And the sound of the campfire, the wood popping and crackling. I thought to myself, Ah, this is it. In that moment, it felt like my heavy, soaked heart was being gently wiped dry with a warm towel.
Sound is really something, isn't it? It wasn't even the visuals; it was the sound that felt like a hug. Someone must have recorded that wind. They must have gone deep into the mountains, set up a mic, and waited for just the right breeze... And even the sound of the fire, someone had to sit there, listening intently by a real campfire to capture that. Thinking about it makes my chest feel all warm. There are people out there, working so hard to deliver such gentle sounds to us from places we can't see. Thank you... thank you so much. That sound was like a little bandage for me tonight.
Nadeshiko-chan, I'm sorry... but thank you.
That warmth gave me a sudden burst of energy, and I just felt like drawing. I pulled out my sketchbook and my mechanical pencil, wanting to draw Nadeshiko-chan. Because seeing her smile always makes me feel better! But, wait... my hand won't move the way I want it to. The shape of her face looks kind of weird.
When I tried to draw her eyes, the right one ended up way higher than the left... wait, what? Is this even Nadeshiko-chan? She looks like an alien! Oh no, I messed up... I was so disappointed that I was about to put my pencil down, but then I noticed something. My "alien" Nadeshiko has one eye squinted shut and the other one wide open. It almost looked like she was saying, "Ugh, I'm so sleepy, but I'm trying so hard to stay awake..." Hehe! I actually let out a little laugh. It's a strange drawing, but she looks like she's giving it her all, and I found it really precious. Even the eraser shavings scattered on my desk looked like a little bed for "Alien Nadeshiko," which made me smile even more. Even though it was a failed drawing, it actually made my heart feel warm. I guess that's when my "smile radar" went off.